My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
