Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
