first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
