If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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