I seem to have left my pride at pride
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
