dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
