Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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