why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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