is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
