you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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