so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
