plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
someone owes me an orgasm
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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