im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
