when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
