I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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