best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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