U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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