i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
