she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Vodka?
Forever.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
