If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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