when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
