i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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