Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
