would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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