I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
