I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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