i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
