please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
