no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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