Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
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