Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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