Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
