Three words: puerto rican gang bang
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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