There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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