I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
