I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
