that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
