Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
