I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
