you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
