my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
well you can't waste a boner
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
