I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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