you guys were way drunker than both of me
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
