Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
