something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Actions speak louder than pants.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
