Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
