i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I didn't shave. On purpose
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
