I can't breathe out the right side of my face
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
