I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Randomize
