Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he puts the penis in happiness.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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