foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
