Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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