McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
