there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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