Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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