Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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