I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
