he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
